Messages In This Digest (11 Messages)
- 1.1.
- Re: Advice From: Jill Militello
- 1.2.
- Re: Advice From: sclala2
- 1.3.
- Re: Advice From: Dorothy Ngene
- 1.4.
- Re: Advice From: Vickie Washburn
- 1.5.
- Re: Advice From: Kirstie H
- 2a.
- What we are thankful for From: Frank
- 2b.
- Re: What we are thankful for From: Kirstie H
- 3a.
- Thanksgiving plans/recipes? From: Kirstie H
- 3b.
- Thanksgiving plans/recipes? From: Jennifer Livernois
- 3c.
- Re: Thanksgiving plans/recipes? From: midnightstarlight99@yahoo.com
- 3d.
- Re: Thanksgiving plans/recipes? From: Kirstie H
Messages
- 1.1.
-
Re: Advice
Posted by: "Jill Militello" jem060504@yahoo.com jem060504
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:43 am (PST)
That is exactly how I feel too. children first always!!
Jill
--- On Sat, 11/21/09, MADRINE SANYU <trowitluv@yahoo.com > wrote:
I cant agree more with you Jill, there's no way i can put my spouse first before ma kids. Of course they are young and ma spouse is old enough am sorry if am not in line with some other moms here but ma kids first no matter what.
that in each of our lives it should be God our spouse then our children then the rest of the world. If your husband has tried to be a loving father to her and is not abusive then he should come first. If he is abusive that is a whole nother
issue and then I would leave.
- 1.2.
-
Re: Advice
Posted by: "sclala2" sclala2@yahoo.com sclala2
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:43 am (PST)
I also am in agreement with the moms who side with your husband. Although I think sending her with her father is message enough without pressing charges in the event that she does get her act together, which could still happen. I know, my son had a felony at age 19 and is now 29, a great father and has a very productive life and a promising future as a funeral director. His letters of recommendations from supportive members of the community who know of his past are wonderful. He was NOT an easy teenager and all of my 4 children were from my first husband. It almost killed me in court to see them handcuff him and send him to Joliet prison of all places! He was then sent to bootcamp which forever changed him. My present husband has always been supportive towards me and the pain or the accomplishments I had to endure from all different situations involving any of them. Now that they are grown and going all different directions, they tell me they love me and treat me well BUT, they have other priorities in their lives, girlfriends, friends, jobs etc. I can't always come first anymore. I still always come first to my husband. Whether it is the bible that says it or us that tells you, your husband comes first and he might be making some harsh decisions but I'm sure he is also upset that you are so hurt by it all also.
You will not stop loving her, you can be supportive and need to tell him that, that is where you draw the line. You can't cut yourself off from her but I agree that she should not be in your home as she can not be trusted. I had to turn one of my other sons into the police department when he was only 12 yrs. old for destroying property and I had criticism from others saying since I was the only one that knew, he could have gotten away with no one ever knowing. It changed him around to what was the start of him becoming a hoodlum and today he is in the U.S Army and thanks me that I didn't cover for him and he became a peer mediator in his class and captain of every team. It hurts when your children screw up but it hurts to worse when we enable them and they turn out worse. I could go on and on and tell you more of the same destructive behaviors my children have put me through, but I had to have my husband at my side to agree with the ramifications for each of them because he is here to stay.
Your responsibility is to your 2 younger children also by putting your husband first. I told my sons when they screwed up, that when they did that, it took away from the good accomplishments that their brothers were doing, stealing their light in the midst of everything because I had to go running to their rescue when they brought the "Bad" things upon themselves. I stopped in my tracks and said "No more". Communicate with your husband, you can't write her off ever but she can't be stealing the light from your family anymore either. I've been there and I wish you well and send strength and encouragement to you.
Good luck
--- In mompowergroup@yahoogroups. , "Kirstie H" <kirstie_mo@com ...> wrote:
>
> Yes, teenagers DO act out from time-to-time because of hormones and just the craziness of being a teenager. However, there's a difference between that and acting out in a persistent manner involving dangerous and/or illegal activities.
>
> "Normal" teenagers bring all of the expected ups & downs that go along with teenagers, who are at that point largely ruled by their emotions and who are affected greatly by anything that happens. If they have a good day, they'll be ecstatic and think it was the best day of all time EVER. If they have a bad day, life is miserable and as a parent you're probably at least partially to blame - in THEIR mind, of course.
>
> But there are some (and I've had one) whose acting out is beyond the normal expectation: stealing, constant lying, stop putting any effort into school, and more than anger - out-of-control rage. I did eventually let the police handle it. It broke my heart, but you know what? That was the start of her healing. I know now that if I'd just kept putting up with it and making excuses for her, she'd be in very serious trouble now.
>
> It's important to be able to distinguish between what constitutes a normal level of teenage misbehavior and mischief, and warning signs that something seriously needs to change. It's YOUR family, and you only get one chance!
>
> Regards,
> kirstie
> Moderator, Mom Power Group
>
> --- In mompowergroup@yahoogroups. , Vickie Washburn <ickyscuba@> wrote:com
> >
> > I have to disagree with two things in your email. Teenagers do act out for no reason. hormones can be the only reason. The other thing is that CPS can ruin people's lives with no justification whatsoever. I would never get CPS involved in anything in my life or the lives of my children. Â
> > _____________________ _________ __
> >
>
- 1.3.
-
Re: Advice
Posted by: "Dorothy Ngene" dory_t2@yahoo.com dory_t2
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:46 am (PST)
Hello Jill,i do not think there is any rule or law that says who should come first or not,what ever the case may be children need to be corrected at all times with love please,there is no question of who comes first or not.You and your spouse should always be in sync when it comes to bringing up the kids,if you do not agree with him do not let the children know.like Lonnie rightly stated the two of you need to be happy for peace to reign in your home.
Warm Regards
Dorothy
- 1.4.
-
Re: Advice
Posted by: "Vickie Washburn" ickyscuba@yahoo.com ickyscuba
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:48 am (PST)
You said it beautifully! Thanks,
Vickie
_____________________ _________ __
From: Lonnie Labriola <lonnie@backyarddrills.com >
So the only way to do this successfully is to love each other first, then understand that you both love the children despite what might be different views on parenting, and then find a way to compromise on things to find balance that works for the best for The Family!
- 1.5.
-
Re: Advice
Posted by: "Kirstie H" kirstie_mo@yahoo.com kirstiehague
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:53 am (PST)
Hi moms,
We're going to "close" this thread now. A variety of advice and information has been presented, and the original poster now has plenty of feedback to move forward. Any further messages are likely to lead to unproductive debate about who is right and who's wrong.
It's Thanksgiving week here in the US - let's move on to more positive family topics!
-kirstie
Moderator, Mom Power Group
--- In mompowergroup@yahoogroups. , Dorothy Ngene <dory_t2@...com > wrote:
>
> Hello Jill,i do not think there is any rule or law that says who should come first or not,what ever the case may be children need to be corrected at all times with love please,there is no question of who comes first or not.You and your spouse should always be in sync when it comes to bringing up the kids,if you do not agree with him do not let the children know.like Lonnie rightly stated the two of you need to be happy for peace to reign in your home.
>
>
> Warm Regards
> Dorothy
>
- 2a.
-
What we are thankful for
Posted by: "Frank" fschoch@ymail.com fschoch@ymail.com
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:51 am (PST)
Good Morning, I have one queastion for all you ladies, with Thanksgiving comming this week,lets all sit back & think of what we are thankful for. There are many out there that don't have much but they are thankful for what they do have. So just for a moment let us all remember those that are less fortunate then we are & support your local food banks,toys for tots & other places that help those that are less fortunate than us. Also I would like for people to just sit & listen to someone who has a problem because sometimes the greatest gift is to just have someone to talk to that wont judge you & will try to help if they can.I for one wish I had someone to just listen. Thank you for reading this & just maybe we can make a difference in someone's life
HAPPY HOLIDAY"s Karen
- 2b.
-
Re: What we are thankful for
Posted by: "Kirstie H" kirstie_mo@yahoo.com kirstiehague
Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:53 am (PST)
What a great message, Karen!
Quaker had asked me to post a similar message, regarding giving back during the holidays:
Looking to make the holidays extra special without draining your wallet? Why not start a family tradition of giving back by volunteering at a food pantry or local shelter?
--- In mompowergroup@yahoogroups. , "Frank" <fschoch@...com > wrote:
>
> Good Morning, I have one queastion for all you ladies, with Thanksgiving comming this week,lets all sit back & think of what we are thankful for. There are many out there that don't have much but they are thankful for what they do have. So just for a moment let us all remember those that are less fortunate then we are & support your local food banks,toys for tots & other places that help those that are less fortunate than us. Also I would like for people to just sit & listen to someone who has a problem because sometimes the greatest gift is to just have someone to talk to that wont judge you & will try to help if they can.I for one wish I had someone to just listen. Thank you for reading this & just maybe we can make a difference in someone's life
> HAPPY HOLIDAY"s Karen
>
- 3a.
-
Thanksgiving plans/recipes?
Posted by: "Kirstie H" kirstie_mo@yahoo.com kirstiehague
Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:23 am (PST)
What are your plans for the holiday, US members?
We've decided against doing a turkey, but we're sticking with the rest of the traditional food stuff. We're doing individual rock cornish game hens instead. We'll have a housefull, and I just do better on the whole timing/prep side of things with the "mini-chickens" than I do with turkey.
Anyone have any plans or special recipes to share?
-kirstie
Moderator, Mom Power Group
- 3b.
-
Thanksgiving plans/recipes?
Posted by: "Jennifer Livernois" jenlivernois@gmail.com jenniferlivernois
Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:58 pm (PST)
Tofurkey seems to bee a VERY popular dish this year...and it doesn't have
that "cadaver" taste. Also virtually adopted a turkey from the Farm
Sanctuary for my son. He understands the true meaning of Thanksgiving in
that it is not what kind of dead animal you bring to the table.
Happy Harvest Day!
- 3c.
-
Re: Thanksgiving plans/recipes?
Posted by: "midnightstarlight99@yahoo.com" midnightstarlight99@yahoo.com midnightstarlight99
Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:00 pm (PST)
We are doing the traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings ... At home. My hubby makes the turkey every year & this yr he's going to let the boys (3 & 5) help him in the kitchen all day.
--- Original Message ---
From:"Kirstie H" <kirstie_mo@yahoo.com >
Sent:Mon 11/23/09 9:30 am
To:mompowergroup@yahoogroups. com
Subj:[mompowergroup] Thanksgiving plans/recipes?
What are your plans for the holiday, US members?
We've decided against doing a turkey, but we're sticking with the rest of the traditional food stuff. We're doing individual rock cornish game hens instead. We'll have a housefull, and I just do better on the whole timing/prep side of things with the "mini-chickens" than I do with turkey.
Anyone have any plans or special recipes to share?
-kirstie
Moderator, Mom Power Group
- 3d.
-
Re: Thanksgiving plans/recipes?
Posted by: "Kirstie H" kirstie_mo@yahoo.com kirstiehague
Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:12 pm (PST)
I posted this message because I think it's neat that you're doing something different, and I thinks it's nice that we can all share what we're doing as a family; however, as we move forward in sharing holiday plans, let's veer away from including statements that can easily be seen as insulting to other families' plans and choices.
Disparaging others' choices isn't part of what YOU'RE doing for Thanksgiving, and it's not very holiday-spiritish!!
I've yet to have anything made entirely from tofu that's been enjoyable, but I am sure open to the idea that I might not have had it prepared by someone who's experienced. Do you baste your Tofurkey in anything? I'm just curious as to how it's prepared.
-kirstie
Moderator, Mom Power Group
--- In mompowergroup@yahoogroups. , Jennifer Livernois <jenlivernois@com ...> wrote:
>
> Tofurkey seems to bee a VERY popular dish this year...and it doesn't have
> that "cadaver" taste. Also virtually adopted a turkey from the Farm
> Sanctuary for my son. He understands the true meaning of Thanksgiving in
> that it is not what kind of dead animal you bring to the table.
>
> Happy Harvest Day!
>
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