Carolyn,
I wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your losses. Have you considered that you're still grieving for each/all of these events? We each grieve in our own way and your losses are more more recent and you have more of them than most, to deal with at one time.
My mom passed away, in July 2013, after fighting renal cancer that metastasized to her lungs. It was a long battle and I thought I had done most of my grieving done by the time my mom passed away. Boy, was I wrong!
I noticed a pattern to my grieving. A couple of weeks to a month before a major milestone passed ( ie, Major holidays, Mom's birthday, my birthday, parts of the liturgical cycle like Lent, certain annual events that we attended together, like the Iris Show in Denver, etc) I would lose all ability to be organized. I couldn't seem to acomplish anything. Even leaving the house to feed our horses, four miles away, twice a day became a major endeavor. Sometimes, just getting in the shower seemed like too much. I felt like the house was falling apart, which increased my sense of chaos. I would notice this and wonder what was wrong with me. After a couple holidays, I realized that this was part of my grieving process. Even now, as I approach the one year anniversary of Mom's death, I'm experiencing grief related issues. It's not as intense but it's there.
You have suffered so much more. Please be gentle with yourself.
Sending hugs and prayers.
Seana
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Sunday, June 29, 2014
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